Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don`t actually eat marbles?
I walked into a bar in my pirate suit and a ships wheel in my pants.... The bartender asked... "Why do you have a wheel in your pants"? I replied "Argh.. it`s driving me nuts".
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Nuclear physicists can be lots of fun. They`re often referred to as the half life of any party.
My friends and I played fantasy football in high-school. No league, we just constantly thought about the cheerleaders.
It took Harry Potter 7 damn long books to catch the bad guy. When it only takes Scooby-Doo 25 minutes.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.
I like people the most when I`m by myself.