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It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
No PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on Facebook.
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
I just bought Velcro shoes.... What a rip off!
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
I hate when I explain how awesome I am to someone and they pretend to not be impressed.
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.