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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
It’s not you. It’s me finally realizing that you’re terrible.
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
I have never faked a sarcasm in my entire life!
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.