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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
Well, it`s almost the end of the year. No point in trying to become a good person this late in the game.
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait