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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
My last relationship was a lot like The Notebook. It felt like it lasted forever and we both wanted to die towards the end.
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P