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With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
If I had a time machine, I would just keep going back to bed.
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn`t enough.
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today