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They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
Mom said angels are watching over me. I`m just afraid they`re taking notes to make sure I go to hell.
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
Your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Sarcasm: because beating the sh!t out of people is illegal.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.