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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
Have you ever seen the look on a mans face when he is truly sorry? Yeah, me either!
That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people think you`re stupid.
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
If you enter a room and there`s no food, you`re in the wrong room.
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?