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i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.