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I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
My life is like a romantic comedy expect there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
I miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like, bitch whatever.
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!