Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea