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If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.