Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...