Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn’t reach very far.
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
Champagne says I`m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.