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Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
That awkward moment when you make a Harry Potter reference and none of your Muggle friends get it.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?