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The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
I`m one of the nicest a$$holes you could ever hope to meet.
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
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