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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
This century is already 15% over.
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.