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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
The next person that tells me I have no shame…probably knows me pretty darn well.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops