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Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo, because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
The only thing alcohol can`t cure is alcoholism.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.