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Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
The awkward moment when you’re that one friend who always gives relationship advice but is still single.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.