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I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?
I`m never free but I`m available.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"