Daily Silly Status

To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.

I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.

Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.

We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me

I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.

I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.

You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?

I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.

Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it

Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive

Coffee eyedrops! Another million dollar idea.

"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...

Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?