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We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
Beer is good, but beers are better.
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
Trust me when I say anyone can dance! - Jack Daniels
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.