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We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
Next time you think life`s not fair..think of this x large clothes cost $2 more than large so why doesn`t small cost $2 less ? Being fat ....now that`s unfair
School is like an erection. It`s long and hard unless you`re Asian.
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
Gravity is a real downer.
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.