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Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn`t enough.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
He who laughs last didn´t get it.
How do we know that all the ancient Greek sculptures aren`t just victims of Medusa?
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
life is too short to match socks
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.