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I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
Job interview `What is your biggest weakness?` `Honesty` `I don`t think honesty is a weakness` `I don`t give a flying *#(@ what you think!`
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
I hate it when old people poke you at weddings and say you`re next. So I`ve started poking them at funerals
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.
Nothing`s more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.