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The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
Pizza is my favorite winter activity
That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
I really like ceilings,.. I guess you could call me a ceiling fan.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.