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Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
Literally saw someone get a tattoo of a camel on their toe.
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there