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The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
condoms prevent minivans
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
Netflix is a lot like facebook in the way I just waste time scrolling and scoffing at things.
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
The only difference between sex and breakfast is sometimes I don`t want breakfast.
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
Excuse me sir, where do you keep the "Whoomp"? Oh, there it is.
I say the things better left unsaid.
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...