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Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
If there`s one thing that I`ve learned it`s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
I hate when I`m admiring my good looks from a car`s window reflection and the people inside think I`m staring at them.