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Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.
Cheered myself up earlier by putting a "no U-turn" sign in a dead-end street.