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LISTEN: It was sweet of you to suck the venom out of my snake bite, but if you really loved me... you would have swallowed.
I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey
It`s hard to focus on a home workout when your home also contains a refrigerator full of delicious food
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.