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PMS is no joke, you guys. I just ate like three bags of Reese`s Pieces. Oh, and my wife`s really being a bitch.
I think my guardian angel drinks.
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
High fiving was the original "like".
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
I believe in love at first sight or as science calls it, "boners."
There’s gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers every word to “Baby Got Back.”
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.