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The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
Life is fun! You should get one.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.