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I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
I still water my dead plants every 3 months. Just in case...
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.