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So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
My support group can outdrink your support group.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
The only thing worse than "the one who got away" is "the one who won`t go away."
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
The bears had it right choosing to hibernate all winter.
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that`s not just the booze talking either".
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
If we`re all expected to have sex with our Valentine on Valentine`s Day, I`m truly dreading Presidents` Day.
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.