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Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
I saw that! - Karma
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power
If you touch your phone in the right places, a pizza will arrive at your door.
Been there, done that. allegedly
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
Why don`t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.