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Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
All milk is breast milk.
It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
More people should be at a loss for words.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.