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wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?
Laughter is the best medicine, but if you are laughing for no reason, you might need medicine.