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Iām not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
Iām sad when my food is over.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.