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Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
Don`t be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem.
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
When nobody`s home, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner