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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
is in no shape to exercise
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
Last night we were in bed and I asked my wife "What would you like to do to my body more than anything else?" She said "Identify it."
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...