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Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
I found a bottle of vodka under my bed, skittles under my pillow, & boxes of noodles in my closet. I`m like a fcuking alcoholic squirrel.
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
It`s kill or be killed. Or eat a sandwich. Maybe go for a light jog. Draw a picture of a duck. There are a lot of options out there.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
It`s awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.