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Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant
I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
Exaggerations went up a million percent last year.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.