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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.