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Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free.
I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
May the bridges I burn light the way.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
The only beachfront property I`ll ever be able to afford is a sandcastle.
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"