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...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
Gym Update: Not there.
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
I`m hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.