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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don`t know.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.