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If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
Don`t be embarrassed by who you are. Unless you`re stupid. Then you`re pretty much screwed.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
This ad says: "3 out of 5 smokers die" Apparently the other 2 become immortal.
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.