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You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
Always have faith and believe in yourself…well because..the rest of us think you’re an idiot!
You know you`re up really late at night when you turn on ESPN and 2 white guys are boxing!
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Has anyone seen where I put my organizational skills?
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...
Sometimes saying "F*ck it" is the best decision.