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I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
I once bought shoes in China that said "made around the corner"
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
I always get this dream where I`m driving in reverse ...Then I wake up and see that I`m driving normally.
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.
I feel that being a smarta$$ is my duty. The pay sucks, but the work is very rewarding.