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I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.
status uploading