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A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
The bat signal seems pretty useless if they need Batman during the day.
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
You should get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep... 9 if you`re an ugly bitch...
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.