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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
When someone looks over my shoulder while I`m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"