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For Valentine`s Day my wife wanted to.... well, you know. It started with her handcuffing me to the bed. And for three solid hours she watched whatever she wanted on television
Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
Gym Update: Not there.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
Iām bored enough to clean.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
The three most terrifying words a woman can utter to a man are "notice anything different?"
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.
How`d this get posted?
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar