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I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
when is humpty dumpty going to hatch?
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
If you ever need nothing I am here for you.
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.