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Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
Just burned 2000 calories. That`s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
There’s a good reason I’m up this late: because I have to wake up really early.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to
A synonym is a word you use when you can´t spell the word you first thought of.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!