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Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
No, I didn`t accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you’re hot.