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Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
Remember, pretty much all of the “tough guys” you see on TV and movies were theater majors in college.
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
I`m sorry, we can`t hire you. But your background check was hilarious.
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
Bitch, I grew up on the streets!!...Yes, it was Sesame
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."
If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they`ll fill your antidepressants faster.
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?