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Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
A friend of mine told me i have to update my self and I asked my self : does he mean there can be a latest version of me?
My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)