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Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.