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I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
The fox says you need to stop.
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
With my background and genetics, you guys should be happy I am half as normal as I am.
Drunk me absolutely loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
I felt really mischievous earlier so I bought a McDonalds and ate it at a KFC
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.