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To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!