Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this" to "I know, please don`t judge me."
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
I`m getting sick of these porn sites listing my videos as "amateur".
Pro tip for picking up girls ā keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
Iām convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.