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Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream "SHUT THE F*CK UP` out loud instead of just in my head.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I`ve even said anything? How do you know it`s nice to meet me? I`m an a$$hole.
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
I got my panties all in a bunch ... You know those Wal Mart 10 pack cotton bundles.