Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
The only thing alcohol can`t cure is alcoholism.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.