Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
life is too short to match socks
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.