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My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
Be careful, there is also plenty of mentally unstable fish in the sea.
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?